Willingness to Change – (off topic post)

During my (very) extended recovery time with all it’s bumps and hurdles I have come to realize many things that go against my previous conceptions.  ARGH!  Not only am I rewiring my entire body; I have to change the way I think about my body and my recovery.  So hard.

What I want to share today is how it is sometimes very important to do activities you either don’t like or don’t want to do to get the results you need.

What does this go against for me?  I have long supported the concept that you need to do an activity you like or love to get results.  Why?  Because that is the activity that you will be the most likely do regularly and with continuity.

Now I see that in order to develop the strength I need to recover and maintain my recovery I need to be doing sooo many more repetitions of basic movements than I want to do.

As soon as my foot and weight bearing started improving, I threw my repetitions out the door and began moving:  beginners Pilates classes, bike riding, and small walks.  Why?  Because I hate performing simple movements over and over again! I’d rather watch paint dry.  Within 2 weeks my hips and injured foot and leg became highly unstable and I was back in the weeds.  I thought I had been so cautious, but I had thrown out the keystone to my recovery:  all those repetitions for my local stabilizers!

I don’t think this situation is specific to rehabilitation though.  People tend to do what they are good at and not what they need to get good.  Me:  case in point

My PT and I joked a lot about how the people doing Pilates and Yoga should be doing strength training and vice-versa.  That would be interesting!  I'd have a whole different clientele to teach.

Ranting and Flowing with Life's Challenges

It's been quite awhile since I've posted here, mostly because I was in a terrible accident.  On April 29.  I got hit by a car while riding my bike and ended up with the car standing on my left foot for...many minutes.  The outcome of which was/ is all the metatarsals of my left foot are broken in multiple places.  Yes.  OUCH!

Since then I have been completely non-weightbearing for 10 weeks, and also had a titanium plate and screws inserted into my foot to line up the bones that have sheered away from alignment.  My OS is still unhappy with the condition of my bones, however, and he mentioned bone grafting yesterday when I went in for more X-rays.  He isn't considering bone grafting for another 10 weeks, so in 10 weeks I may possibly be starting over again at step 1.

Starting this Monday, June 30, I am supposed to attempt 50% weight bearing.  When I asked how I was supposed to achieve this I was told to get on a scale and put half my weight on the scale, remember how that felt and take it into my day. Never mind that this NEVER works in real life, in walking or any other activities involving  m o v e m e n t!

I asked for a prescription for Physical Therapy and was denied.  The Doctor's reasoning was that they would work me too hard.  How about a physical therapist for gait therapy that will actually help me identify what 50% weight bearing means for me, the patient?

So that is the rant part.  I just had to get it out.  I am so frustrated!

As far as the flow goes:
I have some control over how my recovery goes.  What can I do to help myself?  I can eat well, rest, stay calm and positive.  These are the best tools I have at my disposal.  When overwhelmed I call trusted friends who will encourage, not frighten me.  I keep looking at the big picture; attempting to find the benefit to my new situation/condition.  Open my mind to things that I can learn and also teach others from my new perspective.

As much as I depend on my body, it frequently lets me down or surprises me.  Since going faster and harder is not an option for me (and hasn't been, even before the accident) , I choose to go deep.  I enter the well of my being to access deep strength reserves and also to explore the minutiae of movement, the benefit of release work.

It's a journey.  Every day.

Efforting

I think and talk about efforting a lot.   For myself, I usually want to be very good or great at everything I do.  Perfect would be perfect.  But trying, or efforting to be good at something has always been a thorn in my side.  I simply don't know how to do it in such a way that I get the results that I am going after.  I try very hard and then develop an expectation that my results should match the amount that I am trying.  It rarely if ever works out that way for me.

As far as Pilates goes, that might mean that I try to do movements my body is not prepared to do (not warmed up), work too fast (not focussed or experiencing my body) or simply attempt some movement beyond its capabilities (neither strong or flexible enough).  I may be able to continue on this route for some time, but eventually the result will be an injury.  A person with a body less prone to injury might hit a plateau, or develop muscle imbalances that will lead to an injury somewhat further down the line of their life.

What to do?

My current trajectory in Pilates is to put the effort into my concentration and focus.  Being in the present, focussing on one thing:  my body and what it is doing in the moment, and allowing the rest to flow from that.

That doesn't mean I'm not using my muscles!  I am using them, just using them in a more mindful and efficient manner.