Ranting and Flowing with Life's Challenges

It's been quite awhile since I've posted here, mostly because I was in a terrible accident.  On April 29.  I got hit by a car while riding my bike and ended up with the car standing on my left foot for...many minutes.  The outcome of which was/ is all the metatarsals of my left foot are broken in multiple places.  Yes.  OUCH!

Since then I have been completely non-weightbearing for 10 weeks, and also had a titanium plate and screws inserted into my foot to line up the bones that have sheered away from alignment.  My OS is still unhappy with the condition of my bones, however, and he mentioned bone grafting yesterday when I went in for more X-rays.  He isn't considering bone grafting for another 10 weeks, so in 10 weeks I may possibly be starting over again at step 1.

Starting this Monday, June 30, I am supposed to attempt 50% weight bearing.  When I asked how I was supposed to achieve this I was told to get on a scale and put half my weight on the scale, remember how that felt and take it into my day. Never mind that this NEVER works in real life, in walking or any other activities involving  m o v e m e n t!

I asked for a prescription for Physical Therapy and was denied.  The Doctor's reasoning was that they would work me too hard.  How about a physical therapist for gait therapy that will actually help me identify what 50% weight bearing means for me, the patient?

So that is the rant part.  I just had to get it out.  I am so frustrated!

As far as the flow goes:
I have some control over how my recovery goes.  What can I do to help myself?  I can eat well, rest, stay calm and positive.  These are the best tools I have at my disposal.  When overwhelmed I call trusted friends who will encourage, not frighten me.  I keep looking at the big picture; attempting to find the benefit to my new situation/condition.  Open my mind to things that I can learn and also teach others from my new perspective.

As much as I depend on my body, it frequently lets me down or surprises me.  Since going faster and harder is not an option for me (and hasn't been, even before the accident) , I choose to go deep.  I enter the well of my being to access deep strength reserves and also to explore the minutiae of movement, the benefit of release work.

It's a journey.  Every day.

Obstacles to Success

I was reading a blog at the Soma Institute today and found this quote.  It really applies to me.  How about you?

"Perhaps the greatest obstacle to a simple unfolding of potential is the attachment we all carry to what is known and familiar, however painful or unsatisfactory this may be. With that attachment come fears and anxieties of the unknown as well as resistance to the changes that might take us there."
-Linda Hartley-

Ok.  A little plug for the Soma Institute (that I've never attended), but I like their idea of creating a body and mindset that can easily and creatively adapt to change...If you want to learn more about it, here's a link:  http://www.soma-institute.org

Cueing

I write about cueing over and over again, because it is so important.  As an instructor I am always looking for new ways to express the same idea, because different words work for different people.  Or maybe it's not a word at all, but simply an image.  The right word, image or feeling can not only help you find engagement, it can completely transform your quality of movement.

How we learn is always so fascinating to me.  I can watch something a thousand times and never figure out how to do it.  I am a kinesthetic learner.  If you know what kind of learner you are, share that with your instructor so that they can interact with you in more helpful ways.

Here is a cue that is really working for me right now, maybe it will work for you as well:

When standing or lying prone: 
Imagine your inner thigh lifting up to the ceiling while you press your hips lightly down.
This cue puts me right in my center with access to my pelvic floor and Pilates lift.  I love it!

To Lift the Head Neck and Shoulders When on Your Back....or NOT?

To lift the head or not is often a point of contention in a Pilates class.  I remember when I first started doing Pilates  I routinely had a very sore neck.   And yet, I just kept trying to lift my head up.  I thought if I could just figure out how to do it correctly my neck would stop hurting.  So I tried and tried and my neck went right on hurting.

Now I know the thing I kept doing wrong was trying to lift my head up when I couldn't recruit the right muscles!   I would have been doing myself a much better favor if I had just kept my head down and worked deeply into my muscles, gradually strengthening them so that I would eventually be able to use them efficiently.    At the time I was simply unable to stop doing an action that wasn't supporting my workout because I loved the burn from my rectus abdominus when I lifted my head.  Without that burn I felt that I wasn't doing enough work and that I was too easy on myself.  Since I was taking group classes, I probably looked like I was doing the exercises correctly, even though I was actually in a lot of pain.

My stance on lifting the head currently is this:  If you can do it without pain, go for it!  This will really work out the front of the body, especially the upper abs and the rectus.  If not, work up to lifting your head.  Bring it up and down as needed, or use one hand to support the neck. Keeping the head down will work the back body more.  You are still working, but the emphasis is different. The most important thing is not to be in a position that is painful, that causes the neck and shoulders to continuously contract and shorten, as this will not get you where you want to be.  

Be kind to your body and listen to what it is telling you.  Try not to force it to do what it is not ready to do.  It will all come with patience, time, and acceptance.   Lifting the head when you are unable to support that activity will only reinforce existing muscle imbalances.  You absolutely want to feel your muscles being challenged, but that is different from pain.  If you are in pain when you exercise you are not doing your body a service.

Efforting

I think and talk about efforting a lot.   For myself, I usually want to be very good or great at everything I do.  Perfect would be perfect.  But trying, or efforting to be good at something has always been a thorn in my side.  I simply don't know how to do it in such a way that I get the results that I am going after.  I try very hard and then develop an expectation that my results should match the amount that I am trying.  It rarely if ever works out that way for me.

As far as Pilates goes, that might mean that I try to do movements my body is not prepared to do (not warmed up), work too fast (not focussed or experiencing my body) or simply attempt some movement beyond its capabilities (neither strong or flexible enough).  I may be able to continue on this route for some time, but eventually the result will be an injury.  A person with a body less prone to injury might hit a plateau, or develop muscle imbalances that will lead to an injury somewhat further down the line of their life.

What to do?

My current trajectory in Pilates is to put the effort into my concentration and focus.  Being in the present, focussing on one thing:  my body and what it is doing in the moment, and allowing the rest to flow from that.

That doesn't mean I'm not using my muscles!  I am using them, just using them in a more mindful and efficient manner.

Finding Your Posture From the Bottom or From the Top

I  spend a little time finding my posture  most days.  My usual method is to start from the ground up.  I start with my feet, feeling weight under all 4 corners of the foot:  under the big and little toes and the outside and inside of the heel.  From there I usually squeeze the balls of my feet and heels toward one another isometrically, waking up the arch of my foot.  With the arch of my foot doming up, I find my pelvic floor and engage.  Now I have two arcs doming up, my foot arch and my pelvic floor. I line them up. Now I go to my solar plexus, the top of my diaphragm and add that to the mix.  The final dome is the roof of my mouth, or the top of my spine.  When I have all my domes lined up and lifting I am usually in a solid posture:  strong, active, connected and vibrant with energy reaching up through the crown of my head and supported by my legs and feet.  I learned this technique from Wendy Leblanc-Arbuckle.

Today I tried a different technique.  I closed my eyes imagined myself suspended from the ceiling.  My body drifted around for a little while.  I thought about my organs and where they were in my body.  My body stilled and I found myself in alignment.  It felt completely different than the first technique, much floatier, more spacious and quite effortless.

I like both techniques and can see how on any given day I might prefer one to the other.  It's great stuff to play with and find out which technique works best for you, or if you are like me you might find them both useful.

Giving 100%

You know how when you are really committed to something you want to give it your all and more?  Most people think that if it is worth doing it is worth over-doing.  My position is slightly different.

I ask all my clients to effort only as much as 70% in their sessions, even less if they can.  Why?  I want them to have the energetic room to sense their bodies, to be able to feel what is going on.

Think about it.  If you are putting every ounce of your energy and attention into efforting, there is no room left to feel what you are actually doing.

Personally, I have found that by putting less energy into trying so hard to perfect my movement experience and instead going inside, being present, and feeling what I am doing, my ability to move forward in my practice has grown exponentially.

This also usually means, not moving quite so fast, which can be a hard one for a lot of people.